Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.

If I have to be completely honest here there are several things, but some of them I just am not going to go into on a public forum like this.  One of the things that I am hard on myself about has to do with my parenting.  For the most part, I am a good mom, I try to be at least, but there are a lot of areas where I am slack.  And there are a lot of different areas that bother me that I probably should let go and get over it.  I keep most of it inside and just let it eat at me quietly, without discussing it with anyone.  There are stupid things like not cooking them decent meals often enough - being okay with mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and some can of veggies - quick meals, instead of taking the time to seriously cook meals.  It’s all the times they yell “mom, come here” and I don’t go.  It’s my son asking if he can take a bath and play with toys in the tub instead of a quick shower and me telling him no, because I just want to get it over with because I am exhausted.  It’s the nights I let them skip reading time, because I am too busy or too lazy to sit with them and do it.  It’s me slacking at lots of little things… then it piling up and me feeling like complete crap about it.  It’s whenever I have issues with one child and feel like I am shafting the other because I just cannot be two of me at once and please them both like they deserve.  It’s me constantly wondering what will be thrown in my face later in life that was not done enough while they were kids.  You get the picture.  It weighs on me pretty heavily.  I try to make up for it with taking them to fun things, stressing myself so that they are involved in extra-curricular activities, etc.  And I am not always slack… but it is enough that it bothers me, and maybe it is not being slack… maybe it is just exhaustion or not enough of me to go around.  I don’t know.  I do know it is probably something I should just let go and be okay with myself and know that I do always try my best.  Well that was sappy… huh?  Wish I had a good joke to end this one on… maybe I’ll just end it with the word FART.  Ashton would think that was funny!