Did I ever tell you guys about the time I peed totally naked in front of two grown men?  No?  Well you have to know this about me, you just have to!

One night, when I was a senior in high school, I was at a keg party with my boyfriend and we were on our way to a glorious night of beer gluttony, when all of a sudden I felt sick – not puke up miller light sick, but high fever, color gone from your face sick.  My boyfriend had to take me home.  For the next couple days I laid around on the couch at my parents house with an extremely high fever.  Finally on day three of the fever and when I didn’t really recognize who my dad was, he decided to scoop me off the couch and take me to the ER.  Once at the ER, it was discovered that I had a severe kidney infection and was very dehydrated, so I was admitted to the hospital for a couple days.  My mom brought me some stuff from home to make me comfortable during my stay – pajamas, a cell phone, etc.  The pajama outfit that she happened to bring me was a one piece, flap over the butt, J. Crew Union Suit that I loved at the time because it was so warm and comfy.

Well, during my second day in the Portsmouth, VA Naval Hospital, I had to pee, so I got out of bed and wheeled my little I.V. machine into the bathroom.  This particular bathroom had a window in it and the blinds happened to be pulled up.  I briefly thought for a moment “should I close those blinds” – but I quickly dismissed the thought when I remembered that I was on the 7th floor of the hospital and that the window happened to be facing the Elizabeth River.  So I unbuttoned my union suit and dropped it to my ankles and sat down to take care of business.  As I was sitting there, naked on the toilet, I noticed something starting to shimmy down in front of the window.  It was a window washing platform with two men inside ready to wash my bathroom window.  So there we were, me completely naked on the toilet with my union suit around my ankles, clutching my I.V. machine and them on the outside of my window with their squeegees in hand, staring at me.  Did they turn away? NO, they just stood there, staring.  They actually had the nerve to smile and start waving at me.  I had to finish up, clean myself up, lift up my jammies and re-button myself as they stood there smiling like idiots, watching me the whole time.  It was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

This kind of crap ONLY happens to me.  I mean seriously, what the hell are the odds of two window washers coming down the side of a building and stopping at my window on the 7th floor at the exact time that I happen to be naked, peeing on the toilet?  You cannot make this stuff up people!!!  So, the lesson learned?  NEVER wear a one piece pajama ensemble to the hospital.  Make sure that you have a top and a bottom, or a gown that lifts up – anything to keep the top part of your body covered when the bottom part cannot be!  Oh, and ALWAYS, I repeat, ALWAYS close the blinds!