soapboxSUPERSTAR

Lost

Have you ever lost someone special in your life? Have you ever felt pain so sharp inside of you that you almost cannot function? You want to function. You tell yourself over and over to get up and keep moving, but it is hard, because all you really want to do is crawl up into a ball and die so the pain will go away. You spend hours going over memories in your mind.

Everyone tells you that it will get better and soon you will forget the pain and move on, but what if thats not what you want? What if a big part of the reason the person is gone is because of you and you were too wrapped up in your own issues to realize how much pain you were causing. Your stuck wishing you could take it all back and fix everything. How do you make someone realize that you truly are sorry and are ready for change?

Have you ever lost someone special in your life? How long did it take you to realize it was not a dream?

COMMENTS

Don't make me drive down there. Send up a smoke signal. Are you ok?
Posted by MommaK on 2005-12-10 11:30:58 Here for you, Misty.
Posted by David on 2005-12-10 00:21:42 Still thinking about you...That's what friends are for!
Posted by Nae Nae in NC on 2005-12-09 23:19:36 oh dear~ this does not sound good. but if anyone is experienced at knowing how that feels i guess it would be me. I mess up royally all the time. And always around the holidays (part of me really loathes christmas because i always fuck it up). I can't remember the last time i had a holiday that was actually joyous and that i haven't screwed up. All i know is that things always work out one way or another, even when things look too muddled or impossible to see. ::hugs::
Posted by t~ on 2005-12-09 22:19:40 My first husband meant more to me than life. He left me for someone else. I couldn't eat or sleep for months. I lost 30 lbs I couldn't afford to lose. Nothing anyone said or did could make me feel better. We had a baby together that was less than a year old. It took me a little over a year to realize he wasn't coming back. I thought we had the perfect marriage.... I am so sorry you are feeling such horrible pain for whomever you lost.
Posted by Lady Luck on 2005-12-09 12:29:40 I hope you are alright. There were times in my life I was so heartbroken I thought I'd never catch my breath again. I remember the pain in a way, but looking back I know it had to happen that way to get where I am now. I hope you will be okay? Just hold on to who you are inside, if that makes any sense.
Posted by Deana on 2005-12-09 11:10:22 Thinking of you and hoping it all works out. So sorry.
Posted by Raehan on 2005-12-09 02:41:07 I have no clue what is going on, but I hope it gets better soon. *hugs*
Posted by notyourtypicalsouthernbelle on 2005-12-08 23:09:54 I'm here if you need me...
Posted by Nae Nae in NC on 2005-12-08 21:54:05 yes i have, and i'm still in that dream.
Posted by better safe than sorry on 2005-12-08 21:40:17 Just hoping you're ok...and that if you're not, then hoping a friend has already shown up at your door. Take care of you...
Posted by Alisha on 2005-12-08 18:39:03 Good grief - what's happened since my computer went crash? Are you okay?? I don't like the sound of this.. at all.
Posted by Holli on 2005-12-08 18:06:30 Wanna come to California? I hear there's a freaky agoraphobe in LA who occasionally gives private tours of Hooker Heaven. :-)
Posted by tj on 2005-12-08 17:27:27 Oh shit shit shit.... You are right...why does all this crap happen around Christmas. I'm here...email...call...im...
Posted by chatty on 2005-12-08 17:19:15 I just wanted to say that your blog friends are on your side. I hope things work out the way you want them to, but I also bet that whatever happened wasn't your fault. Just my opinion.
Posted by Mayberry on 2005-12-08 17:01:51 This does not sound good. I find groveling works. Whatever you have to do to fix it, you just do it. Analyze it later when you have to, not now. If there's anything I can do......
Posted by Fionna on 2005-12-08 16:15:15 oh misty, i hope you are okay and my heart goes out to you. we're all here for you!
Posted by gina on 2005-12-08 14:59:47 It really upsets me that you won't: answer your home number answer your cell number respond to e-mail Do I have to show up at your door?
Posted by dena on 2005-12-08 14:27:55 You know, you and another blog buddy really have me worried with these posts. All I can say is that I sincerely hope things work out for the best, whatever that turns out to be.
Posted by Mayberry on 2005-12-08 13:36:14 You fight like hell. Call me if you need me. ?
Posted by MommaK on 2005-12-08 13:17:18 Read this: http://ruby80.blogspot.com/2005/08/how-to-have-breakdown-part-1.html I know how you feel. that is all I will say because although I want to talk & talk and make you feel better, I can't you have to go through this in your own way. (BTW, as you can see it took me five years to be able to talk about it.)
Posted by Ruby on 2005-12-08 13:09:50 I lost someone very close to me when I was 19. He was my first bf, my first everything, and he died when I wasn't with him. There are no words that will make someone in this situation feel better, that's a lesson that I learned from losing him. You do have to say goodbye, and you have to believe that the one that was lost hears you and is in a better place. (That belief helped me, anyway.) Time will heal it if you let it, but I can't tell you how long it takes. Is this a personal post, or just ponderings?
Posted by Samantha on 2005-12-08 11:59:09

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Lost

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