THANK GOD Kristine found these beautiful gift ideas.  I had no idea what to ask for for Christmas, but it is SO clear now - The Proud Pussy Ring (I am quite sure my mom’s ass just puckered up after reading that and she is now thinking “why did she have to write that on her website”). 

Ladies, you can now be proud of your nether-region and display a replica of it on your ring finger.  Are you an Amanda or a Leyla?  Half the fun of getting the ring is squatting down over a mirror to decide which one is for you!!!  What are you waiting for?  Go. Squat. Order!!!

P.S. I have really done it now.  First, I preceded my church post with a post about “Dick in a Box” and have now managed to succeed it with a post about pussy rings.  Who will be meeting me in hell for cocktails?

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Did you watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend?  If not you missed a hilarious SNL Digital Short, not to mention a GREAT holiday gift idea!!!  So you can view it again or for the first time here:

This one ranked right up there with the Natalie Portman rap!!!

I need to wash and clean my car like nobody’s business.  It is SO disgusting.  Is there a mom out there that succeeds at keeping their car clean?  I wish I could tell my kids - NO EATING in the car, but unfortunately I like the little bit of sanity I have left and fruit snacks, dry fruit loops and cheezits play a key role in that.

I have to wash sheets, dog bedding and all the rest of the laundry today.  I also have to bathe the pooch and cut his nails (really hate cutting dog’s nails). 

There are three Netflix movies waiting for me to watch them: The Hills Have Eyes, Nacho Libre and The Notorious Betty Page.  Hopefully they don’t suck!  I watched ShopGirl last week with Claire Danes, Steve Martin and Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore, Slackers, I ♥ Huckabees and Marie-Antoinette) and it was good.  I LOVE Jason Schwartzman!!!  Did you know that Jason Schwartzman is the son of actress Talia Shire (The Godfather and Adrian in Rocky) and she is the sister of director and producer Francis Ford Coppola, making her son Jason, Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew and the cousin of Nicolas Cage (born born Nicolas Kim Coppola ) and Sofia Coppola.  FYI!

Kaiden has dance class this morning and I have no one to watch Ashton, which means I have to bring him with me - Ugghhh!!!!  He is so horrible at dance class.  He won’t sit still and he knocks on the studio door every five minutes - but what kills me, is that the dance teacher opens the door every time - you would think after the 10th time, she would realize “Hey it’s probably just Kaiden’s brother again” - I sure would.

I am starting to wonder if we are getting our yearly bonuses - and I REALLY could use that bonus.

I need a break from the following shows: Go Diego Go, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Dora, Wonder Pets and Little Einsteins.  I also need a break from the following movies: Cars, Tom & Jerry & The Magic Ring, Son of the Mask.  I am just sayin!

You are probably the coolest person I have ever come in contact with - your buddies on the navy base probably tell you this all the time, so I am sure it is no big surprise to you.  I was impressed immediately when I saw you pull up in your big, jacked up truck with the large confederate flag displayed in the back window and your various stickers with such original witty slogans like “This truck insured by Smith & Wesson,” “Jack It Up, Fat Chicks Can’t Jump,” “Bad girls suck, Nice girls swallow” and let’s not forget “Save a Bull, Ride a Cowboy.”

I think I speak for everyone in line, including the mother with her two daughters with her, that we all totally enjoyed the conversation that you were having on your cell phone about the girl that you took home from the bar last night, and the awesome details about what you two did together.  I could see by your purchase of beer at 11:45 in the morning on a weekday, that it is going to be another great day for you!!!  But what really did it for me, what really made me just want to know you was the way that you rolled up your sleeves on your T-Shirt to show off your awesome tattoos, so the whole world could see that you had them, as if to say, “I am badass, I am a man and I have the tattoos to prove it!!!”  HOT HOT HOT!!!

You are a rare find, and I can only hope that when my daughter reaches the age that she starts thinking about a partner on this road we call life - it will be with someone JUST LIKE YOU!!!