This morning, on my way into work, I stopped at 7-11 to get my cup of coffee, like I do every morning. The 7-11 that is near my work is a very interesting one, to say the least, because of the clientele that frequent it. Right next door to my work is a place that offers employment and finds homes for people with disabilities, mentally retarded and the criminally insane - this is NOT and exaggeration. These criminally insane people are allowed to leave the facility and walk to 7-11 or just hang out outside all day long - which makes for an interesting work day for me. They are always at 7-11 when I go and more often than not are making a scene in there and they are always hanging out in the woods behind my office, which I have a perfect view of from my office window as you can see here. The following are a few things I have seen back there while trying to work:

1. Two men setting the woods on fire, in which I had to call 911 and have a fire truck dispatched - TWICE.
2. Groups of them smoking pot - this is an every other day thing, and I am pretty sure this group is of the criminally insane variety, so I leave them alone.
3. A mentally retarded couple giving each other oral sex, in broad daylight. I have seen this same couple do this at least four times. It’s good to know that they are keeping their relationship alive, although they are making it hard for me to get any work done.
4. Two mentally retarded men kissing and playing chase - this is a new one, and I have only seen them once so far.

So, where is this going and what does it have to do with the picture I chose or the title for today’s post? Well this morning, while I was making my coffee, across the counter from me was a man that was VERY scarred from being burned. I would say that his body was probably 90% burned, and his face and hands looked like they received most of the damage. I was done getting my coffee cup ready and reached for the only fresh pot of coffee there and poured some into my cup, then I looked at him and asked him if he wanted some of the coffee from the fresh pot, I was trying to be nice. He looked at me and without skipping a beat said “DON’T EVER HAVE A METH LAB IN YOUR HOUSE, OR YOU’LL END UP LOOKING LIKE ME!!!” - I pretty much just sat there a little stunned and then said, “So do you want this coffee, or not?” and then handed him the pot and got the hell out of there. I am pretty positive that he was someone from the crazy place across the street, and that the Meth had not only caused the burns, but made him crazy. I should have asked him if his wife works at Johnny Rockets and was my waitress from my last post and if so, let him know that I tipped her well.

I do not know how those people work at that 7-11 everyday and deal with that day in and day out.

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Did I ever tell you guys about the time I peed totally naked in front of two grown men?  No?  Well you have to know this about me, you just have to!

One night, when I was a senior in high school, I was at a keg party with my boyfriend and we were on our way to a glorious night of beer gluttony, when all of a sudden I felt sick – not puke up miller light sick, but high fever, color gone from your face sick.  My boyfriend had to take me home.  For the next couple days I laid around on the couch at my parents house with an extremely high fever.  Finally on day three of the fever and when I didn’t really recognize who my dad was, he decided to scoop me off the couch and take me to the ER.  Once at the ER, it was discovered that I had a severe kidney infection and was very dehydrated, so I was admitted to the hospital for a couple days.  My mom brought me some stuff from home to make me comfortable during my stay – pajamas, a cell phone, etc.  The pajama outfit that she happened to bring me was a one piece, flap over the butt, J. Crew Union Suit that I loved at the time because it was so warm and comfy.

Well, during my second day in the Portsmouth, VA Naval Hospital, I had to pee, so I got out of bed and wheeled my little I.V. machine into the bathroom.  This particular bathroom had a window in it and the blinds happened to be pulled up.  I briefly thought for a moment “should I close those blinds” – but I quickly dismissed the thought when I remembered that I was on the 7th floor of the hospital and that the window happened to be facing the Elizabeth River.  So I unbuttoned my union suit and dropped it to my ankles and sat down to take care of business.  As I was sitting there, naked on the toilet, I noticed something starting to shimmy down in front of the window.  It was a window washing platform with two men inside ready to wash my bathroom window.  So there we were, me completely naked on the toilet with my union suit around my ankles, clutching my I.V. machine and them on the outside of my window with their squeegees in hand, staring at me.  Did they turn away? NO, they just stood there, staring.  They actually had the nerve to smile and start waving at me.  I had to finish up, clean myself up, lift up my jammies and re-button myself as they stood there smiling like idiots, watching me the whole time.  It was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

This kind of crap ONLY happens to me.  I mean seriously, what the hell are the odds of two window washers coming down the side of a building and stopping at my window on the 7th floor at the exact time that I happen to be naked, peeing on the toilet?  You cannot make this stuff up people!!!  So, the lesson learned?  NEVER wear a one piece pajama ensemble to the hospital.  Make sure that you have a top and a bottom, or a gown that lifts up – anything to keep the top part of your body covered when the bottom part cannot be!  Oh, and ALWAYS, I repeat, ALWAYS close the blinds!

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In this undated digitally altered image provided by the Topps baseball card company President Bush smiles and waves from the stands, right, and Mickey Mantle looks on from the dugout at left, as Derek Jeter swings his bat. A spokesperson for the Topps company said that somewhere between the final proofing of the card and its printing - when it was too late to stop it - someone within the company played a joke and inserted Bush and Mantle into the photograph.  We saw it in the final proof and we could have axed it, Topps spokesman Clay Luraschi told The Associated Press on Tuesday. But we decided to let it run, we wanted to print it. We thought it was hilarious. (more)