Today be International Talk Like A Priate Day!  ‘n in th’ spirit o’ any great holiday, I like t’ be a superior participant, so I shall be natterin’ like a pirate around th’ cabin all day today - no I won’t, ‘cause me boss would send me t’ me cabin ‘n make me shut me door ‘n everyone knows I can only stay in here fer about 20 minutes at a time afore I ‘ave t’ get up ‘n loot a social lap around th’ cabin.

First ye needs t’ go here ‘n get yourself a new Pirate Name.  Mine be Pirate Agnes th’ Back-Stabber.  Then ye needs t’ watch this great instructional video on how t’ natter like a pirate so that ye nah be the one scallywag that does nah know how t’ do it properly! 

So come on, wha’ are ye waitin’ fer, get out thar ‘n start natterin’ like a pirate!  Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!

Today at lunch, I had to run to Wal-Mart to get a few things. I absolutely loath Wal-Mart, but it is the closest thing to my work, so I had to go there. When I came out of the store and got into my car, I noticed a green Jeep Grand Cherokee parked in the far corner of the parking lot and it appeared that there was quite a bit of commotion going on inside. Before I could turn away, I noticed a man that appeared to be in his late 50’s climbing out of the back seat and right behind him was a woman in her late 50’s climbing out of the same back seat.

As he stood in the parking lot and put his belt on and she climbed into the front passenger-side seat, it became all too clear to me what they had been doing in that back seat. By the looks of her clothes not being messed up at all and the way she was wiping her mouth, I could only conclude that she had just finished giving her gentlemen friend a quickie blowjob. I found myself sitting in my car not able to stop staring in their direction until they drove off and filled with mixed emotions.

I learned a couple things from what I witnessed today at Wal-Mart. First, Wal-Mart is apparently THE place to go for parking lot blowjobs – and NOT the other over-rated choices, like in the privacy of your home, in a swanky hotel room or beside a dumpster located behind an office building. Second, once you are into your 50’s, you can no longer contort your body around the center console in a vehicle like you did in your youth and must perform all vehicular blowjobs in the roomier, more accommodating back seat. Third, I need to re-think my complete disgust for Wal-Mart, because apparently that is where all the action is and God knows I could use some action!

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I have a very good friend that had a very bad week last week - very bad.  I have tried to make it a point to talk to him every day and let him know that I am here for him if he needs anyone, and also, just to make sure that he is coping okay.  He has got a super dooper great sense of humor so I was relieved when he was finally joking with me some on Wednesday.  When I called him on Thursday I got his voice mail, so I left him a message that I was checking in on him and to please call me back.  On Friday I did the same, but still had not heard back from him.  I called him again Friday night and he finally answered the phone, to which he was greeted with me telling him to not ever worry me like that again and to answer his damn phone when I am calling to check up on him!!!

He told me sorry and that a couple of his friends were going up to Ikea near Washington D.C. (three hours from here) and had invited him to go, so that he could get out of the house.  In my head I was thinking that it was a friend of his and that guy’s girlfriend or even his girlfriend, but it was not.  It was just three dudes taking a road trip to Ikea.  I started laughing uncontrollably and could not stop.  He asked me what the hell was so funny and I told him that his “dude trip” to Ikea is what was so damn funny.  What straight guys do that together?  I told him that it would be a cold day in HELL before Todd called up Adam and Big Kev and asked if they were down for a road trip to Ikea.  He and the other guys in the car did not see the problem with it and he told me he hated me and hung up on me.  I made it a point to send him a text message yesterday morning that said “A bunch of the guys are planning a road trip to Crate & Barrel - you in?”  He responded by telling me he still hates me and that he was going to beat my ass.  I texted him back and asked how?  By beating me with some coordinated throw pillows from Ikea?  He again stated that he hated me.  Which he does not, because seriously, who could?

But really, am I wrong in seeing the humor in that whole dude trip thing?

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