My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jamal Steve [mailto:order@templessuplyinc.com]
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2013 11:11 AM
To: Misty Scanlon
Subject: Order Require

Hello Sales,

I would like to place an order in your store Do you ship to tuvalu?
Do you do accept credit card payment?
Please kindly let me now and i will be glad to proceed with my order.
Thanks
C.E.O
Steve

From: Christopher May
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2013 12:29 PM
To: Jamal Steve [mailto:order@templessuplyinc.com]
Subject: RE: Order Require

Dear C.E.O "Steve" (aka Jamal),

We sincerely appreciate your interest in our fledgling company. As you are well aware, our full line of latex bondage clothing is unique in the wearable rubber-goods industry. We know that our customers are extremely fastidious when it comes to selecting the right product. We design each piece of bondage-wear with you, the masochist, in mind. Our stain-resistant line of pants and onesies (SNAPFIT ®) has hit the market to rave reviews. As a current customer, you know the importance of ‘fluid’-resistant wearables! Our SNAPFIT ® line meets your expectations without the typical “issues” encountered in full-length rubber wear – our designers have worked around the clock to reduce chafing, latex rashes, and minor chemical burns associated with our previous line.

We certainly appreciate your willingness to continue shopping with us despite the recent negative publicity and pending class-action lawsuit. We certainly cherish every customer who has not already been contacted by the Better Business Bureau, the FBI, or the law firm of Henkle, Hinkle, and Schmidt. We hope you share our sentiment that the recent incident that involved the vinyl anal beads and that poor llama in Morroco were merely misunderstood instances of user error. After viewing your recent orders, Mr. Steve, we know that you are a fine connoisseur of some of our more popular anal products and can certainly attest to their safety when used in the proper manner.

To answer your question, we are temporarily banned from doing any business in Tuvalu by the national governing board of trade. We assure you that the circumstances surrounding our being banned are merely only accusations and should not worry you, nor deter you from placing future orders. We can however ship to the nearby island of Nauru and have a chartered boat assigned to hand deliver your product order. Are you in Funafuti, or close by? Shipping charges will need to be increased substantially to cover boating and handling expenses and we must insist that these charges be paid for up front. Of course we cannot calculate final fees until you place your order, but we can estimate cost of shipping in the 4 to 10 thousand Euro range (of course charges are higher during the rainy season). I will add that we are offering a special on ball gags through December.

We look forward to receiving your order Mr. Steve.

Sincerely,

John Semen, CEO

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

From: Climate Change [mailto:nmf.climate1@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 31, 2013 7:07 PM
Subject: Climate Change Awareness Fund

Attn: Sir/Madam,

View attached letter and contact Prof. Clarke

Thanks,
Ms. Figueres

From: Christopher May
Sent: Friday, November 01, 2013 10:00 AM
To: Climate Change
Subject: RE: Climate Change Awareness Fund

Dear Ms. Figueres,

Thank you so much for the information. I contacted “the Professor” and he was quite informative, but I believe that he may be under duress (or possibly struggling with his opiate addiction – which, by the way, he says you are acutely aware of). I am not sure how to proceed with “the fund” knowing that Professor Clarke will be unable to provide assistance in the usual manner. As you know, his vintage VW Bus is in the shop (again) and he is unable to leave town until they clear out the gas lines from yet another attempt at skirting the gas industry (bravo, Professor!). Without reliable transportation and my second battle with gout in full bloom I find myself stranded at my apartment, forced to watch the action from the sidelines. On a good note, I am pleased to tell you that my new remote control arrived in the mail yesterday (thank you) and I am able to now watch more than one channel. Although I will miss the recurring episodes of Hogans Heros and the Brady Bunch that TV Land is so fond of, I think my new ability to change channels bodes well for me and is a sign that the universe is finally seeing that I get a fair shake. Wouldn’t you agree? Anyway, I have made arrangements with the Professor to establish a carrier pigeon service between our respective locations so that we may continue our conversation without the hindrances of “prying eyes” (I think you know who I am talking about…). I should be in touch within a fortnight to report our progress. “The Fund” lives on despite our recent setbacks and I can assure you that once the bus is up and running we can continue our forays into climate change joy (may it live forever!).

With that, my dear Ms. Figueres, I bid you adieu. Per protocol (and per “the Fund” handbook), I have reattached the LETTER. Please view immediately.

Sincerely,
                 
Mr. Figueres

Todd has worked his ass off on our house this summer.  He ordered us all new siding, soffit, gutters, metal for the windows, etc. He ripped all the old gross wood off the house and he, along with the help of my brother and some of the people that work with and for Todd, he made our house look amazing.

It looks absolutely amazing and I am so beyond grateful for how hard he worked on this project.  It was NOT EASY.  It is not completely done, but it is about 90% there.  We need to replace a vent over the garage, paint the front porch, finish wrapping the windows/door frames in metal... but the HUGE task of siding, soffit, and all new gutters is finally complete.

And he hung up our super cute new light fixtures and my new address sign. I cannot even put into words how happy I am with all he did.  HE IS THE BEES KNEES!!!

Kaiden had her first Orthodontist appointment today.  The good news was that she does not need braces yet... the bad news was that they want four teeth pulled to make room for others coming in.  They want to see her back in next summer to re-evaluate and see if she will need braces.  Overall they think she looks great and there is a good chance she will not need braces at all.  She is LUCKY - she has her dad's teeth, which are almost perfect and he never had braces.  The appointment was TOTALLY worth the time just so that I could get this photo, which she begged me to please delete. NO CHANCE!

Recently I was moved out of the Tactical Division of my company back into the construction world and tasked with running a 95 million dollar contract that we won. So we needed someone to replace me in the tactical division.  Guess who needed a job?  KELLY!  So Kelly is now working with me.  She is doing a great job. Everything is running great, although getting used to the fact that she is a whistler has been a challenge!