My sister and I have this long running inside joke that makes us laugh like hyenas every time there is ice on the ground.  When we were younger and it would snow/sleet, we could ALWAYS expect a call from our mother warning us about Black Ice.  And when she felt like we were not taking her warning seriously enough, she would break out into statistics and end it by letting us know “It is the Silent Killer you know!!!” - it was at that point that we would break out laughing, and say “Okay Okay MOM!” then hang up and immediately race to see who could call who first and in a hushed serial killer type voice say “The Silent Killer is going to get you!!!!!!”  We would both break out laughing and say - “DAMN, I was going to try and get you first - did Mom call you too?”

We still do this.  So imagine my delight when I looked out this morning and saw the roads all iced over.  I could not wait to get out and take a photo to text to my sister with the caption “Silent Killer is on the prowl in VA this morning!!!”  Her response: “LOL - I was just telling someone yesterday about the warnings I get when The Silent Killer is out ”

I miss my sister.

That is a picture of me and one of my best friends since 7th grade - Nadine.  A couple months ago, we had one of our notorious “Girl’s Night Out” nights.  We were hanging out at the bars in downtown Norfolk and I swear it was one of the funniest nights EVAH.  I mean, it was non-stop laughing the whole night.  I only bring this up, because one of my other girlfriend’s finally just posted her pics from the night on her MySpace site and they made me start laughing again.  The pics start out real innocent, like the one above and like this one of me, Nadine and our friend Katy Lee:

But you can tell I am getting a little more drunk as the pictures progress - you can see in my eyes that I have been drinking.  I have that “Hold Me Up Guys” look on my face.  Then I became the drunk photo bomber, showing up in the background of every photo they tried to take that did not include me.  Who do they think they are not including me in photos.

Then there is one like this, where you can CLEARLY tell in this photo that someone should have stopped serving me beers.:

After we were done terrorizing the bars this particular night, we went to out to eat and the restaurant that we went to sat us upstairs - which was all well and good until we tried to leave and our friend Mel totally ate shit down the stairs.  I heard this *thud-thud-thud* behind me and when Katy Lee and I turned around, Mel was in a full split on the stairs.  One of her legs was by her ear and we were SURE she had broken something, but at the same time COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.  And that was when the jokes started flying.  She told us that her “fatter” leg must have still been hungry and was trying to get back up the stairs to get some more food.  I lost it.  Then her and Nadine said something to the effect of, “you guys are just jealous - weren’t you ever a cheerleader?  That’s called a hurkey bitches!”  When we got to the car, we were laughing so hard that she could not maneuver out of her parking space, so I’m all “why don’t you throw your go-go gadget leg out the window and use it as a curb-feeler?” - The jokes just kept on flying and we just kept on laughing.  Which led to this video of us trying to get out of a parking garage.  Mel was sober (mostly… I think) at this point… but we were not, and we were driving her nuts joking her and giving her a hard time about not being able to get out of the garage.

This is how “Girls Nights Out” should be.

This post is protected by the soapbox.SUPERSTAR Member's Only Club.
In order to read this post you must be an approved member. If you have registered and are still seeing this message after logging in and feel like you have been hanging around here long enough to have access, just email me - I may need to bump up your membership a notch!
Login • Register Now

You might remember last year, during the third weekend in September, Dena and I took the kids camping for a night. We have decided, like we do with everything else we do, to make it a tradition! So Saturday, we are packing up the tents and air mattresses and going camping for the night again. The weather is going to be perfect for it - 74° and mostly sunny! We went Monday night after work and drove around the camp site, circling on the map all of the sites that we liked, so that we could get a good one for Saturday. We also have a good amount of liquor left over from our big party to ensure that Dena and I do not remember all the bad stuff that happens Saturday night, making us not want to do it again next year, and also to ensure that our children sleep well through the night - the whole night! That’s the kind of unselfish thinking that sets Dena and I apart from the crappier moms in the world (not anyone that reads this site of course)!

I forgot to tell you a funny story about last year’s camping trip. Dena’s daughter Cristin had taken the kids for a walk around the campground and Dena and I were sitting by ourselves by the campfire sipping on adult beverages and chit chatting when we heard what sounded like a baby horse. Neither of us said anything until we heard it again and I spoke up and said “What the hell? Did you hear that?” She confirmed that she heard it too. We kept hearing it over and over again and it was starting to kind of freak us out. At first we thought it was Cristin’s boyfriend screwing with us, but the way the leaves kept rustling, we knew it was not. At this point, we had already had several cocktails and were now sitting as close to each other as we possibly could. That’s when I said to Dena “What would you do if we looked across the fire and all of a sudden saw one of those little midget ponies standing there just staring at us and it was all What’s up hotties?”

That was when we lost it and could NOT stop laughing. Like midget ponies are chilling out all wild and shit at the First Landing National Park in Virginia Beach, VA. OMG, we got ourselves rolling over that. I am FAMOUS for my “What would you do if…” questions!  But all bullshittin aside… the noise did not stop and it was bugging the hell out of us! When I got back to work on Monday, I called like seven different Park Rangers trying to find out what the hell was making that noise. It was so embarrassing having to describe it each time - “Yeah, I am trying to find out if you know any species that might be found in First Landing National Park that make a sound like a little baby horsey?” - HAHAHA!!! Finally someone knew!!! It was an Eastern Screech Owl. Eureka! The mystery was solved! Apparently there are tons of them there and they like to hang out low to the ground, which is why we heard them so well. You can click below to hear what one sounds like. I hope we hear them again this weekend!

That is right – everyone has a good “tequila” story.  If you do not personally have one, you have most certainly heard a good one that is worth sharing.  Today I thought that I would share mine.  Take a moment and give thanks for that.  I’ll wait.

It was my senior year in high school and my boyfriend at the time asked me if I wanted to go down to Cape Hatteras, NC for the weekend with him and some buddies to drink and go surfing.  Of course my answer was yes, it was hell yes to be exact - who would turn down the two B’s?  Beach and Booze!  He asked what I wanted to drink while we were there and this is where my big mistake was made – I said tequila.  After our two hour drive down the coast and after we were settled in to our hotel, everyone decided to start drinking.  There was some macho talk about who could drink who under the table, and me being one to NEVER be out done, I decided that I could play quarters with the guys with tequila instead of beer.  Well I was chasing the tequila with the beer, but this is not a beer story, is it?

Now, I think that before I continue telling this story, it would be important to note one thing.  At this particular time, I was suffering from a nasty urinary tract infection and the medicine that I was taking for this had stickers on it that specifically stated (and I specifically ignored) “DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL & AVOID EXCESSIVE SUN EXPOSURE – This medication will make you more sensitive to the effects of alcohol and sunlight.”

So I kicked ass at quarters and shot by shot drank an entire liter of tequila by myself, chasing each shot with a Michelob.  At that point I decided to go for a walk and because it was hot, apparently I thought it was a good idea to strip down to my bra and underwear, which the older couple that was walking their dog on the beach probably really enjoyed, as I stood there petting their dog and asking how long they had been happily married.  My boyfriend followed my trail of clothes and found me down on the beach and got me back to the hotel room (after some apologies to the happy couple), where I thought it would be a good idea to smoke some pot - which is when I started feeling sick.  As I sat on the edge of the bed and told him that I thought I was going to be sick – he kept saying to me, “you’ll be fine.”  He stopped saying that after I projectile vomited onto his chest… twice.  The rest of my night was spent throwing up in to both the toilet and the trash can.  But this was not the worst of my experience – oh no…

The next morning at approximately 7am, all the guys decided to go surfing at the Lighthouse in Buxton, where they dragged my lifeless body and placed me on a towel in the sand on my back and left me.  Not once did any of them apply any sunscreen to me, or even flip me over for that matter.  At about 3pm I woke up from my coma, because I was so dehydrated, that I could not open my mouth.  I got up and drove across the street to the Texaco and got a Mountain Dew (not even wondering why people were staring at me).  I chugged that Mountain Dew like I had been in a desert for 30 days with no water and then proceeded to vomit the entire thing into the parking lot at the lighthouse.

The guys were finally done surfing and ready to head back to Virginia Beach, after giving me a hard time and letting me know that I was so sunburned that I already had second degree burns on my face.  NICE!  We started our drive home, where I curled up in the front seat under a blanket and passed out again (freezing because I was so burned).  Apparently, we got pulled over and I did not wake up through the entire process, which worried the police officer.  The guys explained to him how much I had had to drink the night before and because he was concerned, he came to the passenger side of the car and tried to wake me up.  I finally woke up while he was checking my heartbeat and listening to my breathing and that is when I leaned over and threw up on his shoe.  He made me go to a medical facility in Manteo, NC, where I had to be put on an IV and treated for alcohol poisoning and severe dehydration.

And what was my punishment for the whole tequila incident, besides the smell of tequila that oozed from my pores for six straight days?  Well, the only place that decided to peel was around my mouth.  The rest of my face tanned, while the area around my mouth, blistered, then peeled and looked like the raw skin of a burn victim for weeks.  I looked like I had been bobbing for french fries in a deep frier.  It was HOT!  To this day, I cannot drink tequila.  AT ALL.  I stick to rum. 

There, that was my tequila story.  What’s yours?