Sometimes when the day is particularly stressful at work, it is best for you and a couple co-workers to step away from your desks, draw a stick-figure head of one of your other co-workers onto an empty cardboard box propped on top of a recycling bin, and use it as target practice using airsoft guns and ammo in your office’s IT room next to the server room.  From the looks of how good my aim is, I would highly suggest that Nick not ever f*ck with me.

... send her flowers at work!  This makes Misty VERY VERY happy.  I mean who does not love being surprised at work with flowers?  Seriously!  Especially when it is not your birthday or Valentine’s Day!  Wanna know how to make Misty even happier?

Replace the aforementioned flowers with NEW flowers when the old ones start to wilt and die.  YAY!

Our company has an IT division that works with a lot of the smaller contractors in the area helping them with their office networking, company websites and all their IT needs. For one company in particular, we had to set up a SharePoint collaboration site for them to use in-house for all their processes and document management. Yesterday we held a training session in our office for about six of their employees to show them the ins and outs of SharePoint. About half way through the meeting, one of the women very abruptly asked where the bathroom was and then rushed out of the room. She was in there for a while before she rejoined the meeting.

Well, later that afternoon, I found out why she took so long… because she completely snapped our freaking toilet seat in two! How in the hell do you snap a perfectly good toilet seat in two? I mean I could understand if over the years, a crack had started to develop and then it finally snapped… but that was not the case with this particular seat. It was in perfect condition (well as perfect a condition as a toilet seat can be). Her ass must have been ready to literally explode, when she slammed it down on that seat. And then… can you imagine how she must have been feeling in there after she realized what she had done? Holy shit I would have died! DIED! I hope that it did not pinch her ass when it was time to get up - OUCH!

My boss went out and got us another one after the meeting, while he was out for lunch. He wasted no time - thank goodness for us. I joked with him when he got back, because I have been asking for a new office chair for like three years now - it has become like a company-wide joke - anytime we get something new in the office, I ask during our weekly meeting “How much did that cost? - Hmmm, you could have gotten me a new chair for that price!” Everyone kind of laughs and then someone will usually say “For Christ’s sake will someone get her a new damn chair already!” Well I told him that I was going to invite that lady back to the office and have her sit in my chair… when she snaps it in two, he will be forced to get me a new one! He said no, that he would move my office into the bathroom and let me sit on the new toilet seat. Ass.

I think everyone and their mother has heard of the LOL Cats by now.  If not… spend some more time online!  I have even posted about them before.  Well there are of course, some that are more popular than others, like the one above - Ceiling Cat.  Today a co-worker of mine emailed me a link to a pattern to make your own Ceiling Cat, so that is what we did today, we cut out and pasted several of them to put around the office to see how long before other co-workers realize that they are chillin in their offices, staring at them! HAHAHA!!!

Hahahaha - it cracks me up.  The pattern-maker did a damn good job.  Here it is, if you feel like making your own LOL Ceiling Cat.  Click below to get the full size version.

Today is Earth Day - so Happy Earth Day to you. Are you going to party like it’s 1999? I am. Actually, I am going to go home, feed and bathe kids, do homework and go for a jog - so it’s kind of like partying, except that it totally is NOT. I did take a poll in the office today of what everyone was going to do nice for the planet on Earth Day, and none of them had anything great to say. I vowed not to use toilet paper ALL DAY LONG. That is quite a sacrifice on my part. My co-worker Jeff said that when he got home tonight and went to go “fap” (his favorite word) - he would make sure to do so in the dark and not use any light-bulbs. Nick said that he would not flush any toilets and therefore would be pissing in the front of the office all day long. Me and my fellow co-workers… we are givers!!!

I did want to go ahead and suggest something great for you to do on Earth Day, you know, if you feel like contributing to the cause. You can all make a nice donation to me so that I can trade in my Murano and get the 2008 Tahoe Hybrid - seriously… I want that effing truck!

Isn’t it pretty? And good for the environment too. And better on gas. Ooooh Aaaah! Too bad they start at $50K - I am going to have to wait… unless you guys totally come through for me!